Saturday, March 30, 2013


Requirements. I hate that word. Lately all I've been trying to do is meet them. Everyone tells me not to give up, so I spend hours of time, money I wish I could use on something else, and numerous people sacrificing their time to drive me to this test, all for me to just fail it. Over and over and over. This one test that determines I'm smart enough to be a teacher. I think about the fact that I wrote "teaching" as one of my skills on my trip application, and all I'm doing now is the opposite of that.

Tonight, God put an old song in my head. It comes from Micah 6:8. It simply states, "act justly, love mercy, walk humbly with God." God never said I had to be a good teacher to have love in my heart. He wants me to be fair, love as He does, and have a relationship with Him that is stronger than anything else.

I put the song here- yes, it's Veggietales, but it's sweet and the lyrics really stuck to my heart.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

The Joyful Tears

I've always called myself "sensitive". As a baby, I wouldn't get into any trouble because a stern threat from my mom or dad would make me burst into tears. I hate making people upset, and I get sick when I find myself in an argument. I told myself for years that everyone was right- I needed to toughen up, grow a backbone, etc. etc. I always felt ashamed- why am I like this?

When I was sixteen, I had a dream I will never forget. My family decided to make a quick move to Romania. I remember in this dream asking my dad how things would be the same- Could I still learn to drive? I remember being handed a burlap dress. It was ugly and scratchy and I hated our new life there.

The dream ended, and like others, I forgot about it- but God didn't. I had never even heard of Romania, but God put it in front of my face everyday- a sentence in a book, a show on tv, an article in a newspaper. Somehow I found myself falling in love with an unfamiliar country, and grieving for the overwhelming problems orphans there were experincing. Yet, I was sixteen- right in between starting high school and college, and I wondered why God would give me this burden that no one else at my age would understand. Even my family seemed to act like it wasn't serious- I've always had my head in the clouds coming up with big dreams.

It wasn't until I got to college that God started to show me who I was and what He wanted to do with me using the heart He created in me. I realized that I was a nurterer, and that's what makes my heart happy. I want to work with children, orphans, and babies. I cry a lot- both good and sad tears. God has given me compassion and a gentleness that I have been able to use for His glory. I cry when I'm in God's presence because He has made me so happy. I let the joyful tears run down my face because I wouldn't want to be any other way. As prepare to go to Colombia on my first missions trip this summer, I am asking God to use this fragile heart to bring others life. Let my tears have purpose in Bogota, Bucharest, and Indiana.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Hello and Welcome!

I created this blog as a way for my friends and family to keep up with me as I prepare to go to Colombia this August. After that, it will be used as a regular blog (although my life is anything but normal- which is why I write!) Thanks for visiting me and feel free to leave a comment. My next few posts will explain more about me and my trip.